For the past few months, I have been feeling a bit discouraged. I was frustrated with God for not bringing me specific opportunities to use the gifts He has given me.
I had an "ah-ha" moment just a few weeks ago: just because He gave me the gifts doesn't necessarily mean He will give me the opportunities. I might have to do a little work to use my gifts.Sometimes I think He is waiting to see just how committed we are to doing what He has planned for us to do. When we begin to show faithfulness in little things and initiative to create opportunities He will often bring us things we may not have expected.
It's a lot like the balance of responsibility and privilege we give our children. We often give them small responsibilities and then as they show they can handle it we add more and in taking on more responsibility there often comes some privileges. If the child can't handle the responsibility we often limit the privilege.
Our Father in Heaven parents us much the same way. He wants to see that we can handle the responsibility that comes with our gifts and calling. So He starts us small. With faithfulness (obedience) comes more responsibility and some privilege. Sometimes this privilege is overwhelmingly joyful and sometimes it is simple and sweet. And sometimes He leads us through the fire of something big and painful. These moments are when He is refining and molding us.
You see as I was in this season of frustration at God for what seemed to be closed doors and walls blocking the path I thought He called me to, I was about to walk through an attack that would beat on my spirit and soul for a few months. I was under attack and have never felt so emotionally and spiritually beat up. It literally felt like something inside of me was bruised. How would I respond?
Thankfully, I kept my mouth shut during a lot of this season and I kept doing the job He has called me to do. I worked hard to give godly responses and to extend grace. There were days though that I wondered if I was doing it all wrong. Maybe I wasn't really called to leadership in ministry. Maybe I wasn't as strong and confident as I thought. Maybe it would be best if I walked away. Or at the very least, maybe I should shout and rage against the lies.
Truth is, I am nothing without Christ. It is only through Him and in Him that I am capable of doing anything. The gifts He has chosen to give me are for His glory and His glory alone.
After a few months, God mercifully has allowed there to be some reconciliation and the healing process has begun. Starting about a week prior to the meeting for reconciliation through today I have been given multiple opportunities to use my gifts. Honestly, there are a few of them that I have initiated, while there have been others that God has dropped into my lap quite unexpectedly.
As I look back over the past few months, I can see the sovereignty of God. He knew that my frustrations would be met with a challenging time in my life. He knew that the resolution would be met with opportunity. He knew I needed to walk through the hard times so that I would trust Him more deeply. His plan is so much bigger than I ever see. He knows how the pieces all fit together to make a beautiful picture.
I remember a friend of mine had a saying hanging in her bathroom that spoke about our perspective being like that of someone who can only see the bottom side of a tapestry. We see the ends of the thread and the crisscross of colors and stitches that end up looking like one big mess. However, God sees from the perspective of one that is able to view the completed tapestry in all of it's beauty. He sees the purpose of each stitch and each color of thread that is used; for He knows what the completed picture looks like.
I think that the author of this little poem was missing something though. When a tapestry is completed it is the one who stitched it together that gets the glory. One does not praise the thread or the canvas. Even the praise for the completed piece is temporary, because it is the artist that is given recognition and glory for their work. Without the artist there would be no artwork.
I may never truly know this side of Heaven how connected my frustration and the attack I encountered were entwined. I do know that God is glorified in our obedience. I am not even 100% sure that the opportunities I am being given are because I "made it through" the past few months, but I do believe that His timing in our lives in perfect. He wants us to walk in faith that His plans are good and trust Him to do what will bring Him the most glory. He is sovereign and good!
Food For Thought...
Do you trust Him to make each stitch (the joyful and the painful) to bring about the beautiful creation He has in mind for you? Are you OK with the process and completion of His work in your life being all about Him and His glory?
