The Wall has been Hit

Have you ever felt that you hit a wall? Maybe while trying to reach a goal, maybe emotionally (usually evidenced by lots of laughing about everything/nothing or in the inability to stop crying), maybe during an exercise workout, maybe spiritually... At some point in time we all hit a wall. For me I have been repeatedly hitting the same wall for about 2 weeks. Guess what?! My head hurts, literally and figuratively.

Today it manifested itself after yet another rough night of sleep, or lack thereof. (And I even took sleep aids to help.) I could not get moving. I just physically could not get it going this morning. To grasp the fullness of my inability to get moving I did not even attempt to make my coffee until well after 8:00 a.m. I barely got of the couch long enough to get dressed to take Emma to school. I must say that I am truly thankful for each of my children's ability to get themselves dressed, get their own breakfast, and get ready for school.

After taking Emma to school I went back home and finally made some coffee. As I sat in my living room I began to cry and cry out to God. I began to selfishly cry out all of MY issues, complain about MY tiredness, and ask God to remove MY burdens. And then my cries turned less selfish as I released all of those things and gave them to God. Please know that I believe that God can handle all our cries, even in our selfishness. I also believe that when we are honest before God our prayers do change our hearts. I realized, in my time with God this morning, that in my brokenness and feelings of discouragement and tiredness that it is precisely where I need to be. For in my weakness, His strength shines through. When I am broken before Him then there is opportunity for God's glory to break through.

Physically I still feel like I have hit the wall. Life is just very busy right now and so my mind races from one thing to another at all hours. Emotionally, I am still at the wall. But this morning provided a good release. Spiritually I am still broken, but now I am OK with that position.

There are no major feelings of change, there was no miraculous energy given or amazing shedding of light on any certain situation (I still want to just crawl back in bed and I am still not clear on things, such as: why has our house in IN not sold?). But I am resting in the strength of my God and Savior. For He is good and His love for me is unending and beyond my comprehension. There is great peace in that knowledge. And no matter my circumstances, self imposed or otherwise, I will praise Him who is the only One worthy of my praise.

Praise brings down walls!

What a Difference a Week Makes

It is hard to believe that a week ago we were enjoying warm temperatures and spring like weather. This past week it was a very different story with some days not even getting out of the 30's. COLD!!! Plus we had a dusting of snow one day this last week and they are saying it is possible again in the next few days. The only difference in this round of cold weather is that for the most part there has been sunshine with it. We are once again seeing our calendar fill up with lots of things. We are beginning to see those end of the school year programs and field trips coming up. This week kicks off the official soccer season for my varsity girls team and Stephen has begun soccer practices as well. Aaron has started Church softball practices too. Never a dull moment. We are just under three weeks until the BIG Easter Egg Hunt here at the church. My office is filled with candy and plastic eggs. We are asking for volunteers and finalizing a lot of details. It seems to have crept into most areas of my day for work. Everyone is doing fine right now. Thank goodness. Emma is struggling to get fully well after having a double ear infection then strep throat. We seem to finish up the antibiotics and then she starts complaining again. Hopefully she is finished with being sick for awhile. I am looking forward to spring and summer for many reasons. But I also know that these seasons in our lives are flying by. It is incredible to think just how fast time passes and it is important not to try and rush through these precious moments. I have to keep reminding myself of the need to slow down and enjoy my children and their childhood. I am blessed.

Moments with God in the Garden (and the Giant Center)

This last weekend was amazing. The temps on Friday were in the high 70's and broke some records. It was glorious. And the lessons I learned while taking some time with God were amazing.


I am supposed to have two days off a week. Unlike many who take Saturday and Sunday off, I have to work on Sunday, so I often try to take Friday and Saturday off. Most weeks I just have too much going on that I work at least a half day on Friday, but I had put in two 13 hour days due to meetings last week and had just reached a wall. So I took my full day off. And I sure picked a great day.


I had been out looking at the flower beds earlier in the week and had noticed they were in desperate need of being cleaned out. So I had it planned out that Friday I would spend time cleaning and weeding the many flower beds at our house.

(Back story: The person who owned the house before our landlord was an amazing gardener, they planted the beds so that it would be in bloom from spring to fall. I do not have the first clue about what I am doing other than I know I want to enjoy the beauty. Then our landlord bought the house and in an attempt to lure in a tenant they put down new mulch late last summer. Not a bad thing, except that they had no idea what was planted under the surface.)

As I was starting in on the weeding, raking, and cutting out of dead fall plantings, it was interesting to come across the spring flowers making their way to the surface. There were areas where there was mulch at least two inches thick sitting atop the plants leaves and stalks. As I cleared away the mulch from those areas I inevitably found more and more buried plants trying their best to find the sun.

And then it hit me...when life weighs me down, do I cower under it and give up or do I keep pushing my way toward the SON? The strength of the plants I was uncovering struck me. They innately knew that they needed the sun for nourishment and growth. I know my source of strength comes from God, but do I rely on Him to loosen and remove the weight I try to carry on my own?

The other aspect of this moment with God that struck me was that in all of my cleaning (which went into Saturday too) I never found just an individual flower pushing through. In each case in which I removed a patch of mulch there were multiple plants pushing through together. So as I considered this aspect, I found myself wondering if all too often I try to push through the weight of this life all by myself. Not that I need to broadcast to everyone the troubles and frustrations that are bogging me down, but do I allow others to pray with me and for me, do I seek out people who will encourage me and speak truth to me?

I wish that I had known that I would have this moment with God so that I could have taken a picture of the plants before and after. However, that's part of what I love about moments with God, they are often unplanned and are without pretense. All I did was talk to Him while I worked and He revealed truths to me in the midst of that work.

Then Friday night it was Christmas! I know, you are thinking, "How much sun did she get on Friday?" My Christmas present from Aaron was tickets to see Chris Tomlin with Louie Giglio. It was held at the Giant Center in Hershey. We went out to dinner and then to the concert. WOW!!! It was fantastic.

First of all, Chris Tomlin can write and sing amazingly well, but he clearly kept pointing us back to God. He kept reminding of us the Living God to whom we sing our praises. Then Louie came out to speak for a bit. Again, WOW!!! He used Psalm 148 as his text to talk about how everything in creation is commanded to give God praise. He then went on to share examples of the sounds of some of the stars that are many, many light years away, and the sound of whales singing. Then He mashed the sounds together and added in a Chris Tomlin song. The sounds all together was overwhelmingly incredible and it sounded perfect all together.

He then went on to talk about the fact that we have a choice in our response to God. And our praise to Him is necessary in at least three instances.

1.) In Surrender.

2.) In Jubilation.

3.) In Desperate Hope.

In our lives we will encounter moments where all that is left is praise to God, because of who He is for us and to us. And we will cry out to Him in desperate hope, arms lifted high. At other times we will find such uncontainable joy and blessing and we will praise Him for His goodness to us. And then there will be moments when we will surrender, repent and turn towards Him and then we will praise Him because of His great grace and forgiveness.

For me Friday was filled with God moments. Moments when my spirit was spoken to and I heard His voice. He told me to keep reaching for the Son, even when life gets heavy. He reminded me that I do not have to carry the weight of this life all by myself. He also reminded me that we are TOLD to praise Him, not asked. And in reality, how could I not? He has proven Himself to be faithful and true. He has shown His love and goodness. Nothing and no one is more worthy of my praise than God.

Sing, Sing, Sing and make music with the Heavens...for they truly are singing.

Food for the Soul

(written Friday, posted Monday)

This morning as our nation woke up we were hearing of earthquakes and tsunami's, as well as the continuing unrest and war in Libya. And around our area of the nation we are dealing with flooding as well as a tragic house fire that killed 7 children. As I was praying for those who were living through the chaos in Japan and praying for those I know who live in Hawaii and California, my mind kept going to the passage in Luke 21 regarding the signs of the end of the age.


I felt a renewed sense of concern for those who are far from God. The time until the return of Christ is approaching. I know from scripture that even the disciples thought they lived in the end times, but if you have studied Biblical prophesies you can see more and more the fulfillment of God's Word. I know that no man is able to determine the time or day of Christ's return, but we can be sure that whether it is a few days or years or many years from now, it is coming.


On one hand this thought of Christ's return brings me great joy, excitement and fills me with anticipation. I get downright giddy and want to dance a bit when I think about the opportunity to see my Lord and Savior. On the other hand though it fills me with sadness and fear for those who are not ready to see God. There are many who I believe think that they will see God and when that day comes they will find that they really were not prepared, that they had not truly surrendered their heart, mind and soul to Him. And there are many others who have chosen to live without God, ignoring their deepest need for Him.


Luke 21 tells us that "Nation will rise up against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, famines, and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven." (Verses 10 and 11) It was interesting to watch the reactions of people to these many events that are taking place. There was a panic in their voices, fear as they talked about reaching loved ones, and in the details there was awe of just how big some of these events are historically speaking. And yet, Jesus told his disciples just before those verse above, "Do not be frightened." (verse 9)


Later in the passage it speaks about more signs that will signal the end of times. It warns against the anxieties of this life (verse 34). Then it reminds us to always be on watch and to pray so that we can stand before the Son of Man. (verse 36)


There is a helpless feeling that can overwhelm us as we look at this hurting and broken world. Yes, we should reach out and offer support and help. But above all we should be sure to pray. And we should be making sure that those we have contact with are prepared for the approaching day "when every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord."

Are you ready? Are your family members ready? Are your friends ready? If so ,there should be a peace even in the midst of great panic and trouble, and there should be a sense of desperation to see that others know Christ. I know that I fail in this area, but am praying that in seeing this need once again, that I might be bolder in living and talking out my faith.

Food For Thought

I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

Philippians 3:8-10

These verses have been my focus lately. And what's interesting is that in some ministry team meetings this is what God has been pointing them to as well. Knowing Him.

One of my co-workers was sharing about a message she had listened to online about the will of God. She was hoping that the speaker would give her ways to discern God's will. However, the speaker spoke about the fact that knowing God's will is less about the will/direction and more about knowing God. It's so true.

As I have reflected on the past year, it is amazing to really see with clarity that our journey has been founded in our growing relationship with God. As we sought Him, got to know Him better and experienced Him, we then were able to sense His leading and direction for our lives.

God brought me to the passage above about two weeks ago. (I was going to blog about it last week, but that obviously did not happen.) And I have to admit I am glad it had taken this long to get my thoughts on "paper". I keep wrestling with the line in the first verse above that says "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord."

"Everything a loss." EVERYTHING?? A LOSS??? I don't believe that this means that I have to give up everything I own or love, or that I have to abandon my family or ministry; but it does mean that there is something that takes precedence in my life before all of that. "KNOWING CHRIST JESUS MY LORD." I must seek to know Him with a greater passion and desire than anything else I do. He must be my priority. Knowing Him must win my time and my affection.

Reality: This is not even close in my life. I do truly want to live in this way, but it is not how I choose to live day in and day out. I want to know Him more. I want Him to be my priority. I want everything else in my life to lose a little of it's luster so I might know Christ and His power.

I believe that if this becomes the reality in my life, the joy and benefits will spill over into the areas of my life that remain important. I have once again been reminded of the fact that this life we have been called to live as Christ-followers is counter cultural and uncomfortable. It is not easy and it requires all that we are and have be surrendered to Him. I can't live this way without the help of the one I want to know. It is only by His power that I can get to a point where I am seeking Him above all else. Complete surrender to Christ. This is hard and scary for a control freak like me. But my very heart and soul cry out for that kind of intimate knowledge of my Lord.

"I want to know Christ!" What about you? What do these verses say to you? Are you allowing this world and the enemy to get you to believe that it is too hard? Are you buying into the lie that Christ doesn't have to be your priority? (I know I do, far more than I would like to admit.)

Wordless Wednesday

(Not quite wordless, we renovated the Children's Ministry Office today

(Thursday) so I thought I would wait and share a few pictures.)